Thank you, to RDNE Stock project for the photo: https://www.pexels.com/photo/rainbow-flag-as-gay-pride-symbol-10503402/

Let’s talk about ‘coming out’. October 11 was National Coming Out Day, in the US, and I asked the question on my social media, “How often does a person ‘come out’?” and there were some interesting conversations. So, I thought it might be a great topic for here.

First, I’d like to say that ‘coming out’ is a very personal experience, and it’s important to respect that no one has the right to ‘come out’ for anyone else. I’d also like to acknowledge that parents ‘come out’, too. I wrote about this in my book, It’s About You Too: Reducing the overwhelm for parents of LGBTQ+ kids. If you haven’t got your copy, yet, there’s a link at the bottom of this email. The other important point to make is that people use different terms, in place of ‘coming out’, like ‘inviting in’, which I love. But more about that another time.

‘Coming out’ is not a one-time event but an ongoing process. While the initial coming out—often to family or close friends—might feel like a monumental step, the reality is that most people in the LGBTQ+ community continue coming out to new people and in new situations throughout their lives.

Each instance of coming out can carry its own blend of vulnerability, courage, and sometimes uncertainty. Whether it’s at a new job, in a medical setting, or with a new friend, each coming out experience requires LGBTQ+ individuals to assess their safety, trust, and how they might be received. And while some moments may feel easier, over time, others might still come with hesitation, especially in less familiar environments.

For parents and others with LGBTQ+ people in their lives, recognizing the ongoing nature of coming out can foster greater empathy and support. The same holds for professionals working with LGBTQ+ clients. Everyone can do their part to make this experience easier, and to be honest, work towards it not being necessary, at least with you.

Coming out is only necessary because we live in a heteronormative society, meaning that it makes assumptions about a person’s identity. We assume people are straight, unless they tell us otherwise, or they appear to fit the stereotype of a gay person. We also make assumptions about people’s gender identity, depending on how they present themselves in the world, according to societal norms around gender.

What can you do? Can you make a difference? You’re only one person, after all.

The answer is yes, you can absolutely make a difference. I remember when I first arrived in Vancouver, Canada, it really stood out to me, how most new people I met used inclusive language when referring to a person’s partner, whether it was mine, or someone else’s. In fact, I don’t recall having to ever correct someone, since I’ve been here. That is one small way to remove the burden, for an LGBTQ+ person, of having to decide whether to correct you (‘come out’). It surprised me, how much of an impact this small gesture had on me. This is an easy place for you to start.

Below are a few more simple ways you can make this process easier for your loved ones, and people you first meet.

• Listen Without Judgment: Create a space where your loved one and others feel safe expressing themselves. Show genuine interest and support, without making assumptions.
• Acknowledge Their Courage: Recognize the bravery it takes to come out, each time. A simple “Thank you for sharing this with me” can mean a lot.
• Offer Reassurance and Unconditional Support: Remind them that your love or respect doesn’t change based on their identity or experiences.
• Educate Yourself: Keep learning about LGBTQ+ issues and experiences. The more you understand, the more supportive and empathetic you can be.
• Advocate for Inclusivity: Whether it’s in your workplace, community, or family, support policies and practices that make spaces safer and more welcoming for LGBTQ+ individuals.
• Be a good role model: Avoid making assumptions about people’s identity. Use open language when referring to people’s partners, interests etc
• Check-in Regularly: Coming out is ongoing, so showing continued interest and support can ease the process in future interactions.
• Be Mindful of Language: Use inclusive language, respect pronouns, and honor any requests for privacy or boundaries when they come out to you or others.

It’s also a reminder of the strength and resilience within each LGBTQ+ individual who chooses to live openly and authentically, sometimes in the face of unkindness or risk.

Thank you for continuing to learn, listen, and create a world where each new moment of coming out can feel a little safer and more welcome. Whether as family or professionals, your encouragement makes a difference each step of the way.

Interested in working with me? Take a look at my offerings here.

Haven’t got your copy of my book, It’s About You Too: Reducing the overwhelm for parents of LGBTQ+ kids, yet? You can get your copy at a bookstore near you, or from here.